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Orgasmic Meditation

3 Min Read
Orgasmic Meditation
It’s obviously great when you or a partner brings you to orgasm — but what if you used the path to orgasm as a tool for getting in touch with yourself?
Orgasmic meditation, commonly referred to as OM, is a practice founded by Nicole Daedone, meant to empower and heal people, as well as help them connect as partners. (Goop calls it the “yoga of sex.”) To visually break it down, OM is when “a woman lies [on her back] and her partner strokes her clitoris for 15 minutes using a learned technique.” Lube is important here, because it helps create a soothing and comfortable sensation. Daedone also recommends that the partner uses disposable gloves, both for hygiene and to make the experience distinct from sex.

What Can You Expect?

This practice is done not with an intention of achieving an orgasm, but rather in finding the orgasmic state. This state creates “a larger state of consciousness” rather than the “fleeting physical pleasure” experienced from an orgasm. More specifically, it gives a woman time to be present with both the body and her partner, which has many benefits. “As women, we are often taught that our desire is indulgent or selfish… [but] desire, it turns out, is vital for human connection; and we often discover that what seems selfish is, in fact, anything but,” Daedone explains.

She's on to something here, as female pleasure is so often undervalued. Heterosexual sex can often be quick and penetrative — in other words, it rarely indulges female desire at all. So this practice is about empowering a woman to value her experience. She is given the time and space to take a pause and allow herself to really feel and connect.

When putting this into practice, it can help to focus on your breath and the sensations of your partner exploring your body. The practice can be super vulnerable, but trying to find security in the experience can be empowering. And although it is not about the orgasm, the practice has actually proven to lead to more intense orgasms in future sexual experiences, as it can help reduce stress and helps a person tap into a deeper sense of internal comfort.

Male Partners

If the practice of OM is about giving pleasure, you might be asking, why should a man do it? What is in it for him?

First off, this practice allows the woman’s partner to provide pleasure and relaxation, which is in and of itself a beneficial experience. And while men in particular might not receiving sexual gratification from practicing OM with their partner, they can gain clarity in other ways.

According to British GQ, one participant explained that he “felt energized [and] more awake after OM. And realized the practice is not about ‘getting something in return.” Another explained that it’s an “intimate space with no goal and no formula or technique, and all there is to do is experience yourself and the moment.” And finally, another person explained, “I concentrate and put my attention on my finger and what I feel in my body. Over time, you start feeling more, both in that experience and in sexual and non-sexual experiences outside of the practice.” External Course Work (Be Wary!)

OMing can be controversial, and the founder has gotten a significant amount of backlash for the courses she offers. Many participants have made claims that she has been both financially and emotionally exploitative, as Daedone’s private sessions can cost thousands of dollars and leave many in debt. Other people reported feeling sexually pressured in her courses, and some have described the community as cult-like, Bloomberg reported

When seeking guidance from a licensed professional, it’s important to set your own boundaries and to make sure that the expert respects those boundaries. If you do go the route of finding any sex therapist or teacher, do a lot of research prior.

Overall, getting in touch with your own body — and with your partner’s body, in ways that both of you consent to — can help you broaden your sexual horizons, and deepen your relationship with each other. Orgasmic meditation may not be the right way for you, so set a safe word prior to getting started and make a pact to listen to each other’s boundaries.


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