The Library

The 26-Year-Old Exploring Her Sexuality on Her Own Timeline

3 Min Read
The 26-Year-Old Exploring Her Sexuality on Her Own Timeline

BTBz is dedicated to talking about sexual health and self-discovery — and our community’s voices are critical in these conversations. Welcome to A/S/L, a weekly reflection by BTBz community members about their own sexual identities. Want to contribute anonymously? Get in touch.

Age: 26, Sex: Female, Location: New York City

What’s your current relationship status? How do you feel about it?

I'm single and I've never felt better about it. The older I get the more demystified I feel about relationships. I never want to end up with a person because I am lonely, or because they are there. Until the right person comes along, I am more than enough on my own. 

When do you feel most in tune with your body?

It sounds so simple, but when I don't think about what I am eating. I used to be very restrictive and afraid of food. I now eat what I want when I am craving it (which is more frequent than not!) and am the happiest with my body that I have ever been. When I actually listen to hunger cues and cravings, my body is giving me good information that is worth listening to!

What does sex positivity mean to you?

It means learning about your sexual self, accepting it, and realizing there is no one-size-fits-all answer! Communication with a partner is also key.

What’s one thing you wish you knew about dating or relationships when you first started?

That's not all it's cracked up to be, and that being single is not bad or mean you’re “unwanted.” It is great to be in a relationship, but if that person is not right for you, you will be happier single. 

What do you look for in a partner?

I wrote a list a while back, and here are some of the key traits I used: 
1) He allows me to feel more me
2) He is vibrant
3) He is confident 
4) He is creative/carving his own life
5) He is supportive

At the end of the list, I snuck this in: “I really want him to get me flowers… lots of flowers.”

How do you feel about sex on the first date?

I had sex with the last person I was with on the first night and we stayed together, on and off, for two years. If you’re feeling it and it's consensual, do it! I definitely don't believe in the rule of waiting to have sex to make someone more interested. If a partner is less interested in you for participating in the same experience they did, it’s a raging red flag!

What was your gender and sexual identity journey like?

I finally started experimenting with my sexuality. It took me a long time to get here due to nerves, uncertainties, and the overarching worry that important people would love me less.

At first I took little steps: downloading Hinge and switching the settings, chatting with people. I finally became more comfortable with the idea of a same-sex date or a hang and finally took that step. The moral of the story is, take your time and move at your own pace.

What is your best breakup advice?

No matter how much it hurts — and it might really really hurt — you will get through it and you will learn a ton about yourself in the process.

How do you focus on your relationship with yourself?

I set my standards high. It took me a long time to learn how to put myself first, but it was the best thing I ever did for myself. It means creating a life on your own terms and reminding yourself you are all you need. It also means not getting into relationships or career paths just because you’re supposed to. Make sure to prioritize your wants and desires and build a life that you love living. 

What is your favorite pop culture relationship?

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. I love how much they make each other laugh. Plus it seems like he is not afraid of a powerful woman, and he embraces and supports her every step of the way.