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How Do You Increase Women's Pleasure and Desire? BTBz’ Founder Has Tips

5 Min Read
How Do You Increase Women's Pleasure and Desire? BTBz’ Founder Has Tips

There’s power in community — after all, Beyond the Beez was founded as a digital safe space for everyone to learn about sex, sexual wellness, and relationships together. But bringing things IRL is also important, and there will always be a space on BTBz’ programming for in-person pop-ups, dinners, and discussions. 

On March 14,  The Ned NoMad hosted BTBz’s founder Elizabeth along with Natassia Miller, a sexologist and the founder of the platform Wanderlust, and Carleigh Ferrante, the founder and host of the Mostly Balanced podcast, in conversation. Together, they discussed women's pleasure and sexual desire, as well as the challenges women face when trying to “let go” and actually enjoy sex. 

If you missed the chat — and the practical tips they shared to increase pleasure — we’ve got you covered. Here are a few of the questions our attendees asked the panelists, as well as Elizabeth’s take on behalf of BTBz.

First and foremost, I’d like to see proper sexual education taken as a serious form of education, the same way we treat any other subjects in school. It still blows my mind that gym teachers or individuals without any proper sex-ed training are the ones in charge of “teaching” us about our bodies, relationships, and intimate experiences. Plus, they typically teach abstinence-first sex ed, which has been proven time and time again to be unhelpful, unsuccessful, and downright harmful. 

We need to be taught about our bodies in an honest light, as well as learn about consent, healthy relationships and more. This all needs to be done with inclusivity in mind, too — no modern-day sex ed class should focus on  cisgender, straight girls and women, and cisgender, straight boys and men. 

Next, there needs to be continual changes within the media. Studies have shown that learning about sex by watching TV shows and movies is often more harmful than learning about intimacy through porn. That’s because watching pornography often lights up a part of the brain that is aware the content is made up, and not reality. The same isn’t true for TV shows or movies, especially if they are in reality-show formats, and sex scenes almost always showcase a typical script: a penis in a vagina until a man finishes. Or worse, there’s zero foreplay but the women always have a massive orgasm. This causes harm. This creates our version of what happens behind closed doors, so people begin to believe this is what “sex” is and should be. 

It's important to incorporate a deeper sense of curiosity and creativity into relationships and intimacy. Again, we talked about this stereotypical sex experience. But how do you like your sexual interactions? How can you build a landscape of sexual energy that you enjoy and look forward to? Personalization is key here. 

The benefits of great sex far outweigh the good story to tell your friends over brunch. Good sex boosts your  confidence levels, your sense of self, and even your physical health.

For example: Orgasms can create a whole host of positive effects on your body, including mental clarity, increased oxygen to the brain, increased endorphins, hormonal balance, and boosted immunity. A higher rate of orgasms have even  been linked to a reduction in certain types of cancers. 

When it comes to experiencing these benefits, you don’t have to wait for a partner! Lean into the practice of masturbating. And if you focus on self-pleasure before bed, you might  notice you have better sleep as your body enters a new state of relaxation. 

Aside from the physical health benefits, the mental health benefits are innumerable. For example, having confidence in your sexual self will increase your body image, your relationship with a partner, and offer overall mental clarity. Replacing the  stereotypical shame that is often linked to sex with empowerment is also cyclical: The better you feel about your sexual health, the more good sex you’ll have. 

For one, support the creators that are out with their hands in the thick of it. This isn’t just about the creators here tonight —  but think of the directors and producers bringing sex-positive films to life, or the intimacy coordinator that is in charge of the local theater show. Or the sex-positive activists at your college campus. 

So many people are pushing this space forward with safe, consensual, and accurately based information and work, and even more would join in if there was less stigma about doing so. We can all do our part in how we discuss sex, and support the narrative shifting happening around us.

This can be as simple as the pop culture we consume. If you haven’t seen the TikToks of Jett and Campbell Puckett, better known as “Pookie,” here’s the intel:  The couple is known for Jett’s adoring compliments towards his wife, no matter what she’s wearing. He often says that“Pookie is looking absolutely on fire today!” and a lot of the internet has embraced this display of affection. And why shouldn’t we?

Jett’s adoration goes far beyond his wife’s physical attributes — it’s clear how much he loves, supports, and cares for this woman. When these videos were first posted, people were giving Jett a hard time for being “whipped.” But many creators have come to his defense, explaining that it’s up to everyone to support men who are treating women the way they deserve to be treated, not tear them down.

What are some areas in your life where you can offer more complimentary support to a fellow sex positive or overall wellness activist?

This all starts with recognizing that sexual equality is a right. You deserve it just as much as your partner does — and  especially if you have a male partner. Heterosexual relationships suffer the biggest pleasure and orgasm gaps, and this isn’t fair or just!
  • Masturbate. It's crucial to show yourself some love and learn what you like in bed.
  • Find inspiration.  You can watch porn and/or sexual education videos with your partner — most of this content is available online, but be mindful of how you search for it. You can also find position inspo on lifestyle websites like Cosmo and Goop. Walk through what you think looks good and set up some time to practice together.
  • Add sex toys to your foreplay. Dildos, vibrators, clamps and other toys aren’t something to compete with. They’re additive for your bonding session together.  
  • Communicate what you like. This isn’t always verbal — sometimes it’s moaning or simply nodding your head. Encourage your partner when they create sensations that feel good. Get vocal!

You don't have to stop here. Take these questions into your next girls’ brunch, couples chat, or therapy session if they bring something up within you and you’d like a professional’s opinion. You can also  slide into our DMs on Instagram at @beyondthebeez —  we always love to keep the discussion going.