The 25 Year Old New Yorker Learning to Listen to Her Body

BTBz is dedicated to talking about sexual health and self-discovery — and our community’s voices are critical in these conversations. Welcome to A/S/L, a weekly reflection by BTBz community members about their own sexual identities. Want to contribute anonymously? Get in touch.

Age: 25, Sex: Female, Location: New York City

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What do you remember from your high school sex ed class?

I went to an all-girls school, so any type of "sex ed" was focused on the different female body parts, periods, hormones, and changes throughout puberty. I honestly do not remember talking about sex at all. Any real sex ed was from my own research, talking with friends, and eventually learning through experience. Looking back, it's shocking that I was not taught about sex and that lessons were only on female anatomy, as if men did not exist.

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 When did you first start dating?

My first serious "love" interest wasn't until I was 17. 

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When do you feel most in tune with your body?

I feel the most in tune with my body when I have the most balance in life. As I've gotten older and gained experience, I have been able to identify this more and more. I know what I like and what we don't like, what works for me and what doesn't. When I am in a good routine — working out, sleeping well, seeing friends, having fun, and eating well — I am the best version of myself. 

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How do you practice self-care?

This is huge for me because I did the opposite for so long. I ran myself to the ground, but if I hadn't done that I would not be where I am today. Finding time for yourself every day is key. My time for "me" is early in the morning when there's no one around. I can listen to music and move my body in some type of way, and I try to have constant conversations with myself as well to "check in." If I'm feeling tired, I try to get to bed earlier. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I need to move, I move. If I need to vent, I vent. Noticing the little things you need and then being proactive about them is a great form of self-care.

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Where do you get the most honest sex or dating advice?

You would think that my answer would be online or reading, but I get the most insightful and honest information regarding sex or dating advice by talking with friends. We've all “been there” or can relate in some way. It hasn't always been this way but I think the older we get, the more experiences we have, and the easier it is to talk about sex and dating. 

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How do you feel about sex on the first date?

If it's an actual first date, my personal preference is to not have sex. I think there’s a difference with one-night stands — they’re similar to but distinct from dates

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What is your best breakup advice?

What's meant to be will be, and time is your best friend.

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When do you feel your sexiest?

I think most people will say they feel sexiest when their hair is done, or they’re wearing a cute outfit. I always feel great when I have these things going for me! However, I also always feel very sexy when I'm in workout clothes, sweaty or not. I think this is the purest form of myself and I feel so comfortable in them.   

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What does confidence mean to you?

100% being yourself. That means accepting who you are, loving yourself, and embracing your imperfections or insecurities. It also includes realizing how beautiful you are, how loved you are by others, and how smart and strong you are.